Marriage and Migraines

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Marriage and Migraines

By Judy Oates & Steve Holt

Have you ever faced a circumstance or a crossroads in your marriage that required a very difficult decision? Maybe you are in that place now? Can you commit to allowing prayer and the peace of God be your guide?

I woke up with a horrible migraine, a chart-topper.

No, not today Lord, It’s my anniversary!
Of course, You know that God but please! Steve deserves a nice day. WE deserve it, God, Don’t we? A fun night out… an intimate evening together. Please, Lord, take the pain away.

Steve brought me coffee and flowers. With a kiss, he wished me a happy anniversary. He showed no signs of disappointment that I didn’t feel well and we might not be able to celebrate as planned. And this was a big anniversary. It was like our first and our thirtieth, even though it was our twelfth. Both Steve and I had been in previous marriages, so our combined time married totaled 30 years. Our marriage to each other was twelve years old at this point, but we had had a major setback in the past year. We’d been to hell and back dealing with the pain of infidelity and the healing only God could provide. Quite literally, my husband was moving his things back into our house that week. It was a new beginning for us, one blessed by a great measure of wisdom granted by God.

Things started out easy for us. He knew I struggled with chronic “daily” migraines, which actually means 15 days or more a month, and that’s about how many I have each month. I had been plagued all my life with migraines, first diagnosed at age 5. As I’ve grown older, they’ve become progressively worse. I had just been diagnosed with a heart problem, as well, and had just begun a regular heart medication routine. With it my, my body went through a lot of changes and everything got worse. Each year that went by, I had more physical problems. He became a caregiver more than a husband and lover. For my sake, Steve retired early to support me emotionally and physically, and to assist me in traveling around the country seeking medical help – trips which consumed much of our time and energy and left us feeling drained, worn out…and that’s not even considering the side effects of the medications.

As Steve became more of a caregiver than my husband, we both started to recognize that the roles were changing – but by the time we did, we were fighting a lot and didn’t know what to do to fix the mess we were in. We blamed everything on my health, but the truth be told, the problems ran deeper than that. Our communication was poor and we were no longer praying together. I think we both just wanted something or someone to blame. Fortunately, God knew us better than we knew ourselves – and had a plan to help us learn.

My immediate thought, when asked about marriage and prayer, is that we wouldn’t have the one without the other. I don’t know of a reason I would want to try. We have a loving Heavenly Father who knows and loves us completely, He wants the best for us individually and in our marriages and He knows us better than we know ourselves. He has a plan for our future and he has the power, wisdom and strength to see that plan through. He has the ability to work all things together for our good no matter what our perception is. He will guide us with His peace (or through our own lack thereof) if we will only enter into a relationship with Him – and we do that by asking His forgiveness for our sins and entering a relationships with Him and getting to know Him through Bible study and talking with Him, or in other words, prayer.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

About Elsie and John Radtke

John and Elsie worked through the former experiences they each held and forgiving themselves. As they forgave, they were able to move forward and experience a new beginning. Forgiveness is a journey. It does not mean forgetting, excusing or tolerating. Forgiveness will allow you to exchange the feelings of resentment and bitterness carried over from past experiences to peace and gratitude. Click on this program to embark on a journey of forgiveness.

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