Workshops for couples and families are engaging and interactive. During each session, workshop leaders will discuss and demonstrate a practical skill and then allow for participants to practice with their loved ones. Skills taught include: communication, conflict resolution, stress management and more.

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As you well know, having a healthy marriage, healthy relationship and / or a strong family is a lot of work. To help you reach your goals of relational happiness, we want to provide you with truly useful information. Check out our articles and tips and be well on your way to having a healthy and happy marriage, relationship and/or family.

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As you well know, having a healthy marriage, healthy relationship and / or a strong family is a lot of work. To help you reach your goals of relational happiness, we want to provide you with truly useful information. Check out our articles and tips and be well on your way to having a healthy and happy marriage, relationship and/or family.

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Speaking the Language of Love

Speaking the Language of Love

Love and relationships should come naturally. They should not be so much work.

By
Bill Ferrell

“I believed I had found the secret to my wife’s heart.”

For many years on every birthday, every anniversary, every Valentine’s day – I would buy my wife three cards. Sometimes they were cute. Sometimes they were romantic. Sometimes they were funny. But always they communicated, “I love you.”

I would painstakingly take time choosing the right cards. Then I would pour over them, choosing just the right words. This process sometimes took hours. The amount of time didn’t matter to me. I wanted to make sure that I communicated how much I loved her.

Once completed on the night before the particular celebration, I would place them on the kitchen counter so she would see them first thing in the morning. I then imagined the next morning:

She would walk down stairs and, upon entering the kitchen, be surprised to see – not one, not two – but three cards. All addressed to her. A smile would spread across her face. “What has that crazy husband of mine done?” she would muse to herself. She would then carefully open each card, slowly savoring the words I had taken care to write. Suddenly her bottom lip would quiver and a single tear would stream down her cheek. She would then come bounding up the stairs to find me. Choking back tears of unspeakable joy, she would declare her undying love for me. Then pulling me close while gazing into my eyes, her lips would gently touch mine – expressing the passion that was welling up in her heart.

Yeah – In my dreams!

In reality – she would simply smile, say, “thank you,” and go on with her morning.

I did this for years. Bought the cards. Wrote the notes. Placed them on the counter. Imagined the scenario above. And her response was always the same. A smile. Thank you. On with her day.

I was puzzled. No – actually frustrated. Her response was so…so…so…blah. I had just expressed passionate heartfelt undying love and her response was the same as when I take the garbage out.

And so, I decided to do something truly “crazy.” I decided to talk to her about it. I asked her why her response to my expression of love was not met with the same level of passion in which I had given?

What I learned blew me away!

Speaking a Different Language

She told me that the cards did NOT say “I love you” to her. She admitted that yes – the cards were filled with words of love and desire for her. And that meant something to her. To be fair to her, she did express appreciation. She just wasn’t as thrilled to receive as I was to give. What I learned was that they did not mean the same thing to her as they did to me. Words are what say “I love you” to me – not to her.

I learned that I had been projecting my love language on her. I had been assuming that what said “I love you” to me would naturally say “I love you” to her. That makes sense – right?!

She went on to say that she felt most loved by me when I did acts of service for her.

  • When I took care of the car (making sure that she was safe)
  • When I bought her a Diet Coke (I was thinking of her)
  • When I cut the grass and shoveled snow (keeping the house looking nice)
  • When I went shopping with her (submitting to torture)

I realized that I had been speaking to her in my love language. In the way that says “I love you” to me. I might as well have been speaking a foreign language. In fact – I was.

Learn to Speak Their Love Language

Gary Chapman, in his best-selling book, The Five Love Languages, explains that the secret to expressing love to others is to understand their “love language.” Here they are, along with a brief description:

  1. Words of Affirmation – Using words to build up the other person. “Thank you for the cards. That really meant a lot to me.”
  2. Gifts – A gift says, “He was thinking of me, and look what he got me.”
  3. Acts of Service – Doing something that you know they would like. Washing the dishes, making a meal, vacuuming the floors, changing the oil in the car – are all acts of service.
  4. Quality Time – When you give them your undivided attention. Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off and no cell phones. Talking and listening.
  5. Physical touch – Holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual intercourse are all expressions of love.

Chapman goes on to explain that every person has a primary love language which speaks more deeply to them than all the others. Discovering each other’s love language and speaking it on a regular basis is the best way to keep love alive in a relationship.

The Secret to A Most Excellent Way

If you want to be excellent at expressing love to others – learn their love language. Oftentimes you can figure this out by observing how they express love to you or what seems to evoke a strong response from them.

However, the secret to discovering the most excellent way of showing your love to them is…are you ready for this…ask them.

Yes – sit down with them and ask directly what says “I love you” to them. Use the list of the Five Love Languages above as a guide. Ask for examples. Get specific. Be a student of them. Make no assumptions. And then whatever they say – believe them.

I say to believe them because our natural tendency is always our own point of reference. We must resist the temptation to project our own preferences on to others – even when they have told us otherwise. So, believe them and then act accordingly.

Speaking their love language is a critical step in keeping your love alive!

———-

Bill Ferrell has been married for 35 years, has 2 adult children, and 4 precious granddaughters. He teaches individuals and couples how to experience loving and fulfilling relationships. He is also the Community Relations Director for GRIP Outreach for Youth. When he is not helping Chicago urban youth to experience a better life, or inviting others to join him – he is spending time with his family, running, swimming, biking, or reading a book. Or playing practical jokes on his kids.

Follow him on…
Facebook
Twitter: @billferrelljr
Instagram: @popferrell57

For more resources on marriage and relationship building, follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges.

Speaking Their Love Language feat. Bill Ferrell

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

Podcast

Dig Deeper

About This Episode

Children express and receive love in different ways. Knowing their love language will not only have a profound impact on your relationship and connection, but will also has help them feel unconditionally loved, accepted, heard and understood.

People On This Episode

Alicia La Hoz

Dr. Alicia La Hoz
Resident Expert

Omar Ramos

Omar Ramos
Host

Family Bridges

Veronica Avila
Host

Bill and Leslie Ferell

Bill Ferrell
Special Guest

More Resources

Family Bridges:

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The Struggle is Real:

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10 Ways to Love More

10 Ways to Love More

By
Sarah Pichardo

I’m from a family of six girls. As you can imagine, getting a word in can be nearly impossible, especially since all six of us are pretty opinionated. If there’s one thing, however, that all six of us have in common, aside from being stubborn, is that we are all do-ers. Our parents taught us that in order to make a difference, you have to show love not just simply speak about it. Here are 10 things you can do right now to show your love.

Do Something Nice

Do something out of the ordinary today for someone you love. Like when your mami makes you your favorite meal just cause. Wash their car, bring them a cup of café con leche, clean the kitchen, buy their favorite dessert, fold the laundry, cook them their favorite dinner – whatever it is, do it with mucho, mucho amor.

LoveMore-1-DoSomething

Say Something Nice

How much do you appreciate your spouse, parent, child, friend? Take time today to say a simple “thank you for…” or “you make me happy because…” and make their day.

LoveMore-2-Say-Something-Nice

Spend Time with Someone

Take a chunk of your free time, and devote it to a friend or family. Pay attention to that person. Really be there, in that moment. Because that’s a moment you’ll never get back. And life is all about moments.

LoveMore-3-Spend-Time-With-Someone

 

Buy a Thoughtful Gift

I don’t know one single person that doesn’t like to receive a gift every now and then. An unexpected gift can light up someone’s day very quickly. Pick up a book you think they’ll like, their favorite flowers, a gift card to a restaurant, etc. You don’t have to get them something big – just something thoughtful.

LoveMore-4-Buy-A-Thoughtful-Gift

Give Them a Hug

Have you hugged someone recently? A hug is a great way to let someone know you care about them and brighten their day. Plus, did you know research shows that hugs lower blood pressure, improves your immune system and relieves stress? Who doesn’t want that? Also, hugging your pet totally counts.

LoveMore-5-Give-Someone-A-Hug

Help Someone

Life is hard sometimes and we can all use a helping hand. Is someone moving? Have they just welcomed a baby into the world? Are they having a financial difficulty? What can you do to help them out during this time? Again, it doesn’t have to be huge – just the smallest action can make a huge difference.

LoveMore-6-Help-Someone

Decide to Forgive

This one can be a doozy. Forgiving is hard but worth it. Start with making the decision to forgive. Doing so will release a burden and release more of your inner beauty.

LoveMore-7-Decide-To-Forgive

Volunteer

Find ways to assist those living in your neighborhood or community. Practice conscious acts of kindness and giving. It’s good for you and good for others. Just do it.

LoveMore-8-Volunteer

Listen

Listening is underrated. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who just listened to you vent – no interruptions, no judgments? Wasn’t it wonderful? Make an effort to give someone your undivided, fully concentrated attention. Showing understanding of the other person’s feelings and thoughts is all that’s needed to ease their burden and do them a world of good.

LoveMore-9-Listen

Be Kind to Yourself

Learn to accept yourself. Focus on your many positive traits. Focus on your strengths and your abilities. Let go of harsh judgments, comparisons to others, and self-hatred. See yourself as the divinely inspired person you are. Love yourself.

LoveMore-10-Be-Kind-To-Yourself

Want to learn more about loving intentionally? Check out this blog: Love Must Be Intentional. Tell me, how were you loved more today?

P.S. Don’t forgot to kiss your mami, papi & abuelita today. They need the reminder que lo quieres mucho!

—–

Sarah Pichardo is the Creative Director at Family Bridges. When she’s not obsessing over pixels, designs and scripts – or brainstorming plans to take over the world – she’s probably reading a book or obsessing over Christmas decorations.

Follow her on…

Twitter: @sarahp726
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahp726/

For more tips on relationships, follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges.

6 Things to Talk About With Your Spouse That’s Not Your Kids, Work or the Weather

6 Things to Talk About With Your Spouse That’s Not Your Kids, Work or the Weather

By
Sarah Pichardo

Do conversations with your spouse revolve around kids, work and the weather? Are those conversations starting to feel a little like this?

Be bored no more. Here are a few conversation starters to make your conversations with your spouse more like this.

6 CONVERSATION STARTERS

  1. What have you been searching online lately?
  2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? Why?
  3. Do you believe in aliens? Why or why not?
  4. If you had the world’s attention for 30 seconds, what would you say?
  5. What’s the difference between a wolf and a dog?
  6. If your pet could talk, what would it say about you?

What are some good conversation starters? Leave ‘em in the comments below. And remember, like abuelita says: “Aprende a escuchar, y sonríe al hablar, si quieres agradar.” In other words, listening is important too! And don’t forget to smile and act like you care.

P.S. For a more in-depth talking to from a real licensed clinical psychologist (you know, someone who knows what she’s talking about), check out this blog.

—–

Sarah Pichardo is the Creative Director at Family Bridges. When she’s not obsessing over pixels, designs and scripts – or brainstorming plans to take over the world – she’s probably reading a book or obsessing over Christmas decorations.

Follow her on…

Twitter: @sarahp726
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahp726/

For more tips on relationships, follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges.

Marriage Makeover: How to Have Meaningful Conversations 

Marriage Makeover: How to Have Meaningful Conversations 

By
Dr. Nadia Persun

Would you be interested to hear what happened today on my way to work?” she asked excitedly, walking into the house. “I’d rather skip to the part where I hear what we are having for dinner. We can talk about the rest later,” he replied passing by, barely looking at her. Conversations missed, moments of connection are rushed. Marriage becomes crushed by the weight of daily responsibility, emotional dullness, and perpetual fatigue. Relationships continue to exist out of habit, as a routine. Work, parenting, helping others — sure. What is left for your spouse is a flat-lined level of energy sprinkled with crumbs of good intentions?

Meaningful dialogues? Forget it. What we have left for each at the end of the day are “useful conversations.” They are made of half-constructed thoughts, lazy listening, and functional orders focused on the execution of responsibility and errands. Sexy lingerie and candlelit dinners are replaced by other secret desires: clean kitchen, a cooked meal, laundry done, kids early to bed, and some TV as a survival reward. Marriage is on a perpetual diet.

What can we do to have a happy, healthy relationship? Easy: just finish reading this blog to learn quick, easy, proven solutions! Just kidding! However, the good news is that there are no secrets. You already know most of the things that you need to do. Just like with exercise and diet: some push-ups and an apple a day. However, skipping push-ups and eating a Hershey bar is easier. People’s nature is to pick the path of least resistance and minimal effort. We are also falsely hopeful, thinking that at some magical “later” time we will be stronger, more motivated, in the mood to do the “right” thing. What happens, in reality, is perpetual hoping and postponing, leaving us stuck in a rut.

How do we tackle this complex issue without feeling like busting through stones? Be proactive and start with small consistent steps. We are wrong thinking that small kind steps are seldom appreciated. How do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time. Can’t solve the whole problem, then focus on solving part of the problem.

The next part is actually doing something. Even the best information will not help if you don’t put it into use. You know what they say, “the road to failure is paved with good intentions.” A better life will not come from wishing and hoping. We want to ice the cake without having to make the cake. We need a new positive action. Only actions can bring specific results.Here are examples of the simple proactive steps that can help to improve communication, and heal and restore connection.

  1. Make eye contact, look and act friendly and approachable.You have to become adept at daily communication and staying connected. Put your phone down. Turn off the TV. Just be in the same space, open and present to talk and connect with each other. Come out to greet your family when they arrive home. Stay in the same room together, not looking busy with other things. Make eye contact. Say “Hi. Please. Thank you. This is lovely. How are you doing today?” and so on. Little moments, kind words, fostered as a daily habit. Small talk is not idle chat.
  2. Don’t wait for someone to read your mind, speak up openly.It is quite simple: what you don’t ask for, you won’t get. Be clear on what you want, what you are willing to give, then ask for it. “Could you please sit with me for 10 minutes and hear about my idea for our next vacation?”; “Could you please come out and greet me by the door any time you hear that I return from work?”; “Can we do something fun together this weekend, just us, no kids?”
  3. Pay attention to get attention. Drop the tyranny of expectations, in which your spouse must do something first, so only then you are to respond with a nicety. Who cares who “started it” and “whose turn it is?” You are in the same boat, and it is leaky. Decide to be first to start fixing it. Be curious about your spouse. Ask questions and listen. Give them the spotlight. Do something nice, unexpected, no strings attached. Good energy will be returned to you in abundance.
  4. Respect the rules of good behavior. We all know that it is not good to scream, call names, throw objects, and slam doors. There are rules related to respect and self-control. We tend to forget them when stressed out and when we feel that the other person is not treating us nicely. So, it is fair game to be bad in return! Even when your spouse is seemingly “underserving”, decide to stay kind, polite, and play by the rules.
  5. Seek common ground and build on areas of agreement.You may disagree on types of movies, style of music, what to eat, sleep schedules, and how much and how often to wash and clean. But you are likely in agreement that your children need love and care, that both of you can benefit from having more fun and less stress, that being friendly and polite is better than hostility. Bring up more subjects that you know both of you share and support. Discussing such topics will foster the bond and improve communication skills, gradually allowing you to tackle things that are more sensitive and require negotiation.
  6. Seek help and support, if needed. No man is an island. We are more alike than different. But we also can be very stubborn. If you feel that your marriage resembles a truck with its wheels stuck in thick mud, and no maneuvers or acceleration result in any positive movement, don’t wait long to seek counseling.

To conclude, marital success and personal happiness don’t make cameo appearances in your life. You have to become aware, intentional, and disciplined to implement positive changes, making small but consistent steps. You also need to decide to be a grown up in your relationship, taking ownership of positive intentions, making it unconditional regardless what others do or don’t do. Take care of your partner, and your spouse will take care of you.

—-

Dr. Nadia Persun is a Clinical Psychologist working in Wheaton and Naperville, IL, treating anxiety, depression, weight problems. She also focuses on therapy with adolescents and couples in distress, aimed on conflict reduction and divorce prevention. Dr. Persun is a Medical Directory of “GreenPath Clinic”, which offers services for mental health problems, chiropractic, naturopathy, physical therapy, and nutrition. On her spare time, Dr. Nadia is a gardener, blogger, reader, chef-dilettante, and avid traveler-explorer together with her family.

Read more about her on http://GreenPathClinic.com,

https://facebook.com/greenpathclinic  

 

For more resources on marriage and relationship building, you can follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges.

Teaching Kids Manners feat. Mike Oquendo

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

Podcast

Dig Deeper

About This Episode

Our kids watch every move we make. They pick up our good habits and our bad habits. So how do we teach our kids manners? You guessed it. Tune in for more.

People On This Episode

Alicia La Hoz

Dr. Alicia La Hoz
Resident Expert

Omar Ramos

Omar Ramos
Host

Family Bridges

Veronica Avila
Host

Mike Oquendo
Special Guest

More Resources

Family Bridges:

App

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Get more resources and tools by downloading our app.

The Struggle is Real:

Book

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Learn how to turn the struggle into a success.

5 Steps to Write a Poem

5 Steps to Write a Poem

By
Sarah Pichardo

Valentine’s Day is coming up. You made yourself a vow to really outdo yourself this year by being thoughtful, romantic and, dare I say, extra? And what better way to melt the heart of your Romeo or Juliet than by writing a poem from your heart?

The only problem is, you don’t know the first thing about writing poetry. Fear not. That’s where this handy dandy tutorial comes in. First of all, it’s super sweet that you’re even considering doing this. Give yourself a pat on the back and reward yourself with a treat just for even thinking about it. Now, let’s get to it. Here are some tried and proven steps to help you deliver the best message of all time.

Step 1. Get a piece of paper
Step 2. Get a pen
Step 3. Starting writing…a note letting everyone know you’re heading out
Step 4. Get your car keys
Step 5. Drive to your nearest Hallmark store

Just kidding? Also that’s 5 steps. But I’m a writer not a mathematician.

Seriously. People at Hallmark get paid good money to be sentimental, romantic, funny and to come up with messages for EVERYTHING and for EVERYONE. No one’s going to be mad you bought a card. BUT if you really do insist on doing it yourself, here are the real steps to writing an amazing poem that will win you all the awards.

Step 1. Know your subject.

I mean, this goes without saying but for you slow people out there, think about the person you’re writing this for. What do you love the most about ‘em? The way they smile? The way they smell? The way their eyes glisten when you bring them food?

Step 2. Use imagery.

No, I don’t mean put pictures of stuff in your poem. Though maybe drawing a picture will get you extra points. I mean, paint a picture with your words.

Step 3. Make it rhyme
Lastly, but also most importantly, I don’t care what anybody says, if it doesn’t rhyme, it’s not a poem.

There you go. It’s beautiful. You’re amazing. Give yourself another treat.

Also, here’s an example of a real poem….

Te quiero
Te adoro
Te pongo en el inodoro
Le doy a la palanquita
Y adiós corazón de oro

No translation. Sorry. Pretend it says…

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m no poet
I just want to kiss you

If you actually went through the trouble of writing a poem, even if you didn’t follow my amazing tips, I really want to see it. Please send it to me so I can read it. Please. Cause I want to know what love is.

P.S. If you want a little more info on being extra in your relationship, check out this blog. By the time you’re done reading it, you’ll figure out the recipe to being the happiest couple on the block.

—–

Sarah Pichardo is the Creative Director at Family Bridges. When she’s not obsessing over pixels, designs and scripts – or brainstorming plans to take over the world – she’s probably reading a book or overdoing it with the Christmas decorations.
Follow her on…

Twitter: @sarahp726
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahp726/

For more resources on relationships, follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges.

Love Must Be Intentional

Love Must Be Intentional

Love and relationships should come naturally. They should not be so much work.

By
Bill Ferrell

This was my best friend’s philosophy in college. He didn’t have many second dates.

Over the years I have talked with hundreds of couples. Some considering marriage, some newly married, some trying to save a marriage. I have heard many of them say the same thing:

“Love shouldn’t be this hard, it should come naturally.” Really? Why?

Would someone who wants to run a marathon say, “It shouldn’t be so hard to run 26 miles?” Or someone who wants to advance in their career say, “It should not require so much effort?” Or someone who wants to be an author say, “It shouldn’t be so hard to write a book.”

Now, you may think, hey – this isn’t about athletics or career or literature. This is different. This is about love. Love should come naturally if two people are compatible, if they are truly soul mates. Good point. It is different. It’s far more difficult.

WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE

No two individuals are naturally compatible. That is not to say we don’t share anything in common with the ones we love. Of course not. We may have similar educational, socio-economic, and cultural backgrounds. We may have similar values and goals and belief systems.

However, every individual is just that. An individual. And even though we share the planet with billions of other people – who we are is unique. Our family of origin, our life experiences, our world view is unique to each person. Which is amazing and very cool and one of the reasons people are so fantastic.

However, our individuality is also why it’s a challenge to “get along.”

We are all born self-centered. We all start with only one “point of reference” – ourselves. It’s the only place we can start. Initially, we can’t be faulted on that because there is no other way to begin life. We don’t know any different. But as we grow up, we learn that there are other people in the world. This understanding actually happens early in life.

As we mature, we realize that we are faced with choices. We can choose to consider only ourselves in the decisions we make and how we live our lives – or we can choose to consider others.

We usually choose self-centeredness. Not because we are bad people. But because that has been our life-orientation from the beginning. And so this has an impact on all our relationships – especially when it comes to marriage.

Author Denis de Rougemont has said, “Why should neurotic, selfish, immature people suddenly become angels when they fall in love?” That’s why a good marriage is more painfully difficult to achieve that athletic or career or artistic expertise.

WE DON’T KNOW JACK! OR JILL

Duke University ethics professor Stanley Hauerwas has said that we never really know the person whom we marry.

Hauerwas goes on to say that we may think we fully know who we are marrying – but we really don’t. In time he or she will change. We are never the same person after entering marriage. As well, time and life experiences change us: having children, job changes, aging parents, acquiring more income or less income, unforeseen physical issues, and all that comes with growing older.

These – and more – are all in the future. And unless your crystal ball is better than mine – you don’t know what lies ahead. Or the kind of person you will become. Or the kind of person your spouse will become.

There are seeds planted within all of us during our “formative years” that help to shape us. But it will take time and life circumstances for the seeds to grow and blossom. So even if we marry with our eyes wide open, there is so much more to come. These life changes are challenging for all marriages. If you have experienced them – you are not alone. If you have not experienced them – just wait. They will come.

WE NEED TO BE INTENTIONAL

Analysis is good. In fact, it is crucial to solve any problem. But we can get trapped in what is called “paralysis of analysis.” Understanding the problem and even knowing what we must do means squat without ACTION.

To love someone else, to full and completely love them – we must be intentional.

That means that we need to think and plan and DO.

Think. Take time to consider the other person. What do they need? What are they feeling? How is their life experience? This means you need to work (that four-letter word) to understand their world. Don’t try to just read their minds – talk to them. Ask them. Care enough to be students of them.

Plan. Make a plan to love them. This requires you put it into your schedule. If you don’t plan your time – someone else will. That is a fact of life. Work. Friends. Obligations. All these have a plan for your life. You must be proactive to plan or someone else will.

Do it. Plans mean nothing without execution. Good intentions mean nothing without action. Good ideas are dead without execution. Resist being passive. Put your plans of love into action. That is intentionality!

LOVE DOES

Here is a list of some suggestions of what you can do to be intentional:

• Send a text telling them that you are thinking of them or that you love them.
• Call them up – just to talk and say you were thinking of them.
• Plan a date that does not include a movie – but mostly conversation.
• Read a book aloud together. This is engaging and creates more opportunities for conversation.
• Read a book on relationships or marriage.

• Go to a coffee shop and talk. This will get you away from the distractions of home.
• Buy them balloons – just for fun.
• Throw them a surprise party.
• Write them a letter about how much they mean to you.
• Write them a poem. You can always “borrow” from Shakespeare (he wrote a ton of love sonnets), or another poet, or better yet, you can learn how to write a poem here.
• Surprise them with a weekend getaway.
• Ask them questions. And then just listen. Seek to get to know them better:

What were some of your highlights from last year?
What were some of your lows from last year?
What are you looking forward to in 2019?
What are some of your goals?
What are you currently working on that you are excited about?
What are some of your dreams?
How can I help support you right now?
What says, “I love you” to you?

The more we are intentional to nurture love in our relationships – the more we will experience the abundant life-giving relationships that we were created for.

———-

Bill Ferrell has been married for 35 years, has 2 adult children, and 4 precious granddaughters. He teaches individuals and couples how to experience loving and fulfilling relationships. He is also the Community Relations Director for GRIP Outreach for Youth. When he is not helping Chicago urban youth to experience a better life, or inviting others to join him – he is spending time with his family, running, swimming, biking, or reading a book. Or playing practical jokes on his kids.

Follow him on…

 

For more resources on marriage and relationship building, you can follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges.

3 Ways To Say No

3 Ways To Say No

By
Sarah Pichardo

If you have resolved to set boundaries and incorporate “no” into your vocabulary but it doesn’t come easy to you, fear not. That’s what I’m here for. Here are three different ways to say no. Ready?

You could say it in more than one language….

  • In English…No.
  • In Spanish… ¡NO! (followed by a dramatic exit or possibly even a slap in the face)
  • In Russian…Nyet (followed by a shot of Vodka)
  • In Hawaiian – a’ole (followed by you fading off into the sunset on your surfboard)

You could be cordial…

  • I wish I could, but I can’t.
  • Maybe another day/time.
  • If only I could!
  • Thanks, but no thanks.

And for those of you who insist on saying yes to everything, try this…

  • Sure, when pigs fly.
  • Absolutely, right as soon as hell freezes over.
  • Sounds great. How about we schedule that for February 30th?
  • I love that idea. How about never?

And if none of those work, try this…

See? So easy. Pick a few and practice them with your spouse, a friend or your dog.

If you need a little more to fuel you, learn more about boundaries and having resolve. Check out this blog from someone who knows what she’s talking about. And for the record, abuelita would go with saying No in Spanish followed by offering you café con leche. She’s nice like that. We should all be more like your abuelita.

———-
Sarah Pichardo is the Creative Director at Family Bridges. When she’s not obsessing over pixels, designs and scripts – or brainstorming plans to take over the world – she’s probably reading a book or obsessing over Christmas decorations.

Follow her on…

Twitter: @sarahp726
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahp726/

For more resources on relationships, follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges.

Having Resolve

Having Resolve

By
Eva Fleming

My father suffered a massive stroke shortly after his 55th birthday. As a result, the right side of his body was completely paralyzed. After weeks in the hospital, followed by months of intense physical therapy and with the spiritual support of many colleagues around the world, he began to gain function of his body. In the beginning, he made a herculean effort to get out of bed alone, but gradually with the help of a cane and holding on to the walls for support he started ever so slowly to get from one place to the other.

His determination was so intent that in less than a year he was tending to his garden, pruning his fruit trees, teaching and even driving.

The success my father had relearning every mundane task starting from zero, shows what scientists have known all along – that the brain is more malleable than previously thought and is capable of rebuilding itself even after having been damaged or after having lived through trauma.

Determination and resolve coupled with the ability of the brain, due to its plasticity, to change and adapt, is what we need to keep on keeping on, never giving up!

Modern studies have revealed how the brain continues to create new neuron pathways and altering the already existing ones to adapt to new experiences, learn new information and create new memories even in the face of insurmountable obstacles. This means that the person who refuses to give up can be successful even amid the challenges he or she is facing.

When you want to conquer an obstacle, follow through on a resolution, or overcome a weakness, you can be certain that you are literally made out of a gray matter that is always renewing itself. This ability the brain has to renew itself, conquer obstacles, learn new routines and even develop noble character is the understated miracle of humanity. This should bring not only pleasure to our lives but also prompt us to be immensely grateful.

Even though we are saying it is a “miracle,” that doesn’t minimize the process of growth one has to go through and the stress that change inevitably brings: Everything that’s worth having is worth fighting for.

Here are some steps we recommend you follow when facing new challenges:

  • Accept your situation and embrace your challenge
  • Commit to getting the most out of the challenge and the process, learning the    lessons it provides along the way
  • Consider your personal growth as a gift to humanity
  • Remind yourself that the initial frustration of learning something new is normal and it can be overcome
  • Surround yourself with people that can give you positive support
  • Don’t lose faith

My father was resolute in his pledge to get better after his stroke and I know that your challenge, even though it is probably different, is just as significant. Don’t get discouraged, find your compass, and get up every day with a renewed commitment until you accomplish what you have set out to do. The ability of the brain to perform great feats is tucked deep within you and tenacity is all you need to activate it.

For more resources on budgeting and relationship building, you can follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges.